The Good Child

 All families have their little inside jokes.  In our family, we had a saying that Ike was the “Good Child”.  I’m not sure when it started, or even who said it first, but I wouldn't be surprised if it might have been Ike!

Now that the kids are grown and gone, I can see them a little more clearly, or at least from a broader perspective.  .  

Ever since Ike was a baby, he was “good”.  To be fair, good does not mean perfect or better by any means.  It did seem, however, that from a young age, he wanted to do what was right and what was expected of him.  Ike was always a rule follower, a people pleaser, and obedient to a tee.

Thinking of Ike as the good child caused me to feel a bit uncomfortable at times.  Perhaps a worry that it might make the other kids feel that they weren’t good?  Not likely.  Then I realized something quite unsettling.  I had been a good child as well.

To be fair, good would not be the word to describe my childhood by any means, but I did have some of the "Good Child" issues.   From my earliest memories, I did not want to be in trouble, and I didn't want to let anyone down. When things went wrong, I would feel guilty as it was somehow my fault.  I was a rule follower and a people pleaser.  I wanted people in authority, whether it be a parent, a teacher, or even God . . . to appreciate my efforts.  When I was little, I felt it was up to me to keep everyone happy.  I just couldn't help myself, and yet it never fixed a thing.

Looking back, I can see Ike in that light, it's just the way he is.  In kindergarten, every morning each child was given a number of laminated peanuts to be pinned to their shirts.  Every time that they misbehaved, a peanut was taken away.  At the end of the day, those with remaining peanuts received little prizes such as stickers.  While Ike hadn't lost any peanuts at the end of the day, He saw others that were having to go without, and that was not okay with him.  He would give his remaining peanuts to others who had none.  This made him happy, as he was fixing a sad situation.  The teacher did not see it that way, and the practice was stopped.  It didn't fix anything, or make things any better, but I'm almost positive that he'd do it again.  he just can't help himself. 

Raising Ike was super easy.  He never caused us a minute’s worry.  He didn’t argue, he didn’t cheat on tests or get into fights.  He never came home late, he always called when he was supposed to, he got his eagle scout before his 16^th birthday, and the list goes on.  When he turned 19, he dutifully sent in his papers and served a mission to Ogden, Utah . . . and never complained.  It's Ike's nature.

The good child refrains from sharing too much of an opinion . . . at least out loud.  And they avoid activities that might be considered wrong by whatever standards they have been taught to live by.  The good child worries, about everything!  They worry that something they do or say might hurt someone.  Not in a physical sense, but in feelings, or even in making an awkward situation.  The good child does not like confrontation. They don't want to be the cause of anything bad, or to be in trouble.  They like things to run smoothly. 

The good child is not exempt from having opinions.  Far from it.  They are thinking all of the time.  They may not share their thoughts, feelings, and ideas . . . but they are most certainly there.  The good child is very contemplative.  They have deep thoughts and convictions, but are selective with whom they share, and they never want to be the cause of negativity or discord. 

Ike is a thinker, which may be a factor in his becoming a college professor.  Over the years, we've had wonderful discussions.  Even when he was a teenager, we would talk about the most abstract of subjects.  We would talk of God, and whether or not there are people on other planets.  What are they like?  Do they have different Gods, and different rules?  Or are they identical with ours, having all the same exact resources?   If so . . . how did they evolve?  What kinds of things did those people make from their resources?  Do they have music?  Is it different than ours?  What kind of instruments did they create?  What sports do they play?  What form of energy have they chosen to fuel their societies? What are their wars fought over?   

These are discussions that to many might seem useless or silly, as they really go nowhere.  There are no real answers, only speculation, which leads only to more ideas and speculation.  I have never considered such conversations to be silly or useless.  I find them fascinating! Those who never take the time to ponder are limited in their scope of imagination.  Thinkers think, and from thoughts come everything.

At some point, Ike started calling me on Wednesday mornings as he walked to work.  I would be out driving, wearing my Bluetooth, awaiting his call.  We would talk of many things, how the kids were, what we were doing at work, which movies we had seen, or things we had read, things of that nature.  But we also spoke of those other more abstract things.  Having a scientific mind, he thinks about things that I would never dream of, but always enjoy hearing about.  He spoke of harnessing energy, and how wrongheaded solar energy might be, as if we captured enough of the sun's rays to actually be of use, those rays might be diverted from what they were originally intended.  Same with thermal energy.  If we took enough heat from the earth’s interior, might it somehow cool the earth down, affecting other aspects of the balance of things?  Who even thinks about this stuff?  Ike does. It's who he is.

Ike mentioned to me that his students come up with some of these “off the wall” ideas, and how varied they are.  He had an idea.  What if, like jury duty, every person was required to serve “think tank” duty?  A time where people would be asked to think, brainstorm, and share ideas, no matter how abstract or “out there”.  These thoughts and ideas would be compiled and built upon with the next group, and so on.  One never knows from where the next great idea will come.  This could be a way to cultivate ideas, as we all have them, if allowed to think outside the box, so to speak (even though I’m not a fan of that term specifically).

What makes us what we are?  I mean really who we are.  Why is Ike a thinker?  Why was he a "good child"?  I have no answers.  Perhaps Ike can think on it! 

Happy Birthday, Ike!